The Man Without a Conscience

Sometimes people are just plain fishy.

Names have been changed to protect the unscrupulous.

Name of Date: Shady
Date #: 1
Looks Like: Kenneth Parcell from 30 Rock, but he has a chin. and is cute. Homo don't date no uglies.
Age: 26
Occupation: Satan's Assistant/Evil-Doer
Where We Met: MySpace... go ahead. judge it.
What Happened: I forget who first messaged whom on myspace, but it happened. Somehow a conversation began between the two of us. This slim blonde haired well-dressed guy was eye-catching and worthy of more than the "oh. thank you. i'm flattered. but i'm really just looking to make friends." e-mail.

We agree to meet for coffee and then meet up with some friends of his later at the gay club. I know, I know. A gay club on a first date? Risky move... but he suggested and I wasn't going to say no just yet.

I do my usual thing where I get there early and make sure I pick the best table so that I look hot in the lighting. I also need like 10 minutes to think about what I'm going to order so that when the time comes I can recite it like its the usj or something. Starbucks is intimidating people, don't even pretend its not. And you KNOW you feel like an idiot when the barista is like "Next?" and you're all "Um.. I'll have the um... mocha... um... venti... um" ORDERING FAIL!

So anyway, Shady shows up (looking good in a very expensive and trendy sweater, yes, please!) and we do the whole get to know you conversation. I talk about myself for a while, cause I love to do that. Then its his turn. First thing he tells me is that I have the same name as his ex. "uhh... thanks?" I don't know if he has a thing for guys with my name or if its going to be a deal breaker (It sooo would be for me). Then, I ask what he does. And he says this without the slightest hint of shame: "I work for an insurance company. Its my job to make sure the company doesn't give out money."

Excuse me?

"Yeah... I deny insurance claims. Even if they're justified. My job is to say no to everything."

I am appalled... and obvs call him out on it. "So people who need this money to survive, who are stuggling and who knows what else, aren't getting money they DESERVE because you say no?"

"yes"

I ask him how he can live with himself, to do something so morally reprehinsble. He says "oh, its fine. they pay me well. did you see my car? its badass."

I am tempted to throw coffee on him and walk out the door right then. This guy is a total creep. He feels no guilt over what he does, what does that say about how he functions in a relationship? The warning sign is flashing "GET THE EFF OUT" but, because of you lovies, I stay and decide that for my fans, the date must be seen through.

We get to the club and meet his friend who is infitely more fun and interesting than him, but he isn't nearly as hot... so the two balance out. What? You were thinking the same thing. So we begin dancing/drinking and his friend asks "So is Tim gonna be here tonight?" "I'm already here, I say, I'm..." then it hits me. He means Shady's ex.

Shady nods and says "he texted me. he is performing tonight." uh.... Performing? I question. "Yeah... Tim is a dancer here."

You mean Tim is a trashy ho stripper and I'm here to make your ex jealous? Thats what you mean?!

.... Kinda.

I march away and kick myself for not driving my own car. I could get a cab? No. I'm too cheap. I acutally am stuck in this crappy gay club until they are ready to go. Well no way in hell am I going to be some selfish prick's arm candy to make his trashy ex jealous. I know you are suprised. This sounds like just the kind of thing I would LURVE to do. You know? Re-enact some classic scenes from the Creek or Gossip Girl. Be the center of Drama and walk away without any responsibility... but this guy is so sleazy. What he does for a living, how nonchalant he is about using me. Its all too weird. Even for me.

It is then when I notice some hot little thing eyeing me. We being to dance. We begin to make out. I am positive that Shady sees this. WHO IS THE TRASHY HO NOW?! oh wait.. .thats not something to be proud of. whoops! He gets the picture that I want to be taken home... and we leave. I ask for HLT's # as I'm walking out the door but he says "sorry... i don't have a phone." Being shady always begets shady. Touche.

Gained Points for: Assuming I'm hot enough to make someone jealous. Thats kind of flattering.

Lost Points for: Being creepy and skeevy and making want to vomit and slap him simultaneously.

Mistakes I Made: Trying to out-trash him. That is never a good decision. My come-uppance was justified.

Chances for Another Date: Yeah no.

Overall Grade: D