You Should Really Bring Your A-Game for Round Two

Sometimes you are just plain desperate

Names have been changed to protect the embarrassing.

Name of Date: Redneck Mike
Date #: 2
Title of Last Date: You Might Be A Gay Redneck If....
Amount of Time Between Last Date: 2 weeks
What Happened: When I left my last date with R.M. I said I told myself I wouldn't go out with him again unless he got plastic surgery. As I mentioned in my last entry... I don't have time for uglies. However he called and said a group of his friend were getting together to go to a haunted house. I didn't want to see him. But I've never been to a haunted house and I really wanted to go. Plus he'd probably pay AND other gay friends of his might open up some awesome opportunity:

"Oh my that scary chainsaw guy scared me I needed to grab your hand"
"thats not my..."
"shhhh"
"i'm not even your..."
"SSHHHHH!!"

Shameless but effective.

So I meet up with him after he gets off work. I get there and he's like the king of under prepared. He doesn't know where the place is, how much it costs, anything. I thought maybe his friends would have helped him out, but no. Apparently they're just as awesome. Which is not at all. So we literally sit in his car while he calls 20 million people to figure out whats going on.

thirty minutes later. I am not exaggerating. THIRTY MINUTES LATER we learn that his friends don't want to go. the place is an hour away... and closes in 20 minutes. mother... fucker...
He suggests we go back to his place.

I have two options.
a). leave sad unattractive clogger alone and get in my car and be home by 9pm on a friday night
b). go to his place and see where the evening takes me.

For $1 million and a possible case of scabies... my final answer is B!

We go to his place listening to terrible music along the way. He actually had a decent apartment and I'm kind of surprised. When I walk in we immediately hear people in one of the bedrooms and go to investigate. There is his gay roommate (not much cuter) and another friend (much cuter thankyouplease) watching porn.

No joke. Porn. Welcome to Awkward-ville. Population: Me.

They aren't jerking off or anything. Just watching it, like its your everyday movie. I guess some people actually do watch porn for the plot. who knew? we exchange hellos and head into the kitchen to get food. he pulls out this frozen spinach artichoke dip thing from tgifridays and heats it up.

damn i'm a sucker for some spinach artichoke dip. if i was samson, it would be my hair. my gooey cheesy delicious hair.

He suggests we watch a movie. Uh-oh. Y'all know what that means. I tell him I'm not sure and he says he just rented "Blades of Glory.".....

Seriously. Homo rented that? I thought it was impossible to judge you any more than I already was. And you seriously think you can seduce ME with that piece of shit movie? I'm laughing on the inside, and i'm suuuuper intrigued into how he is going to try to sleep with me with the least sexy food and the least sexy OR funny movie. I tell him to put it in.

The torture than ensued for the next 90 minutes was painstaking. If Amy Poheler had not been in that movie... I'd be in a coma until this day. DO NOT RESUSCITATE!

The movie ends and he makes his move. He leans in to kiss me... and is straight up DENIED. Ugh, why had I not used that awful 90 minutes to come up with some mtv style rejection a la "Dismissed"... I failed. All I did was lean back and say "I gotta go..." and left. Missed opportunity indeed.

Gained Points for: s to the p to i-n-a-c-h dip.

Lost Poins for: not taking me to a haunted house so i could ditch him and meet another hotter guy.

Mistakes I Made: Not just watching the porn with the other guys... it would have been a lot more enjoyable.

Chances for Another Date: Yeah seriously not ever again. You got a second chance you didn't deserve and blew it.

Overall Grade: D+