Inferiority Complex

Sometimes size matters... for real.

Names have been changed to protect the disappointed

Name of Date: The Jolly Gay Giant
Date #: 2
Age: 20
Looks Like: a six foot five teddy bear
Occupation: Theatre Major at a local college
Where We Met: I did a search on facebook for "men interested in: men" and under music "Regina Spektor" This was a quick way to find the awesome gays. The JGG was one of the guys the search returned. A facebook message later, and we're meeting for coffee.
What Happened: My first date with the JGG was pretty uneventful so I am skipping right over it. All you need to know was that he just got out of a LTR and told me he wasn't looking for sex. I totes respect that.

So after rushing through a dinner out with my extended family...
"where are you going so soon?"
"out with a friend"
"ahhhh he's gonna go meet a girl."
"sure, aunt lisa, sure."

my extended family was in deep denial for a loooooooooong time.

anyway. we met up to go see a production of a play at a local college. this was not the college he attends, but rather a rival department. I felt bad for the guy b/c the college we went to for the show has one of the best theatre programs in the region. his college, not so much. His college's department contributes to why most people hate theatre. I actually saw a show there once by one of my fav playwrights.... I felt like calling him up afterwards and apologizing for the onstage abortion of his baby that I just witnessed.

so we go see this abstract futuristic show. its supposed to be this absurdist comedy directed by a grad student. i pretty much hated it. and then didn't feel so bad about hating his college so much. we agreed that it wasn't our thing and went back to his place to "watch a movie."

now y'all know i've written about the "watch a movie" before. it's not so subtle code for "hey come to my place so we can get naked and rub on each other." it just sounds more classy to to say "watch a movie." however, because of the statements he made on our first date, i thought i'd be safe. we would actually just go watch a movie.

we go back to his dorm room and i'm automatically returned to the world of fumbling around on a twin sized bed, desperately hoping my roommate stays away. ahhhh sophomore year.

he puts on pirates of the carribean or some other crap like that and we lay down to watch it.

it doesn't take long to get into a tickle fight. which is so cute. i love tickle fights, even though i'm exceptionally ticklish and become even weaker than i normally am when tickled. rememeber this kid is BIG and could easily knock me out. but he takes special care not to suffocate me. and i appreciate that. its always nice when dates take the time to not kill you.

the tickle fight turns into kissing. the kissing turns into making out. the making out turns into heavy petting. this guy is handsome and young and horny and i'm pretty sure the whole "i don't want to have sex" thing has been thrown out the window. since i'm also handsome and young and horny this revelation makes me happy.

he begins to undo my belt, unzip my pants and take out my... um... you know... my [enter clever phallic and gay euphemism here]. my shirt isn't even off yet. he has it in his hand. looks at it. examines it. says "oh... we should stop."

i giggle. think he's joking and try to undo his belt.

"no really. you should go."

um WHAT?!?

apparently the sight of my penis repulsed him so much that he lost all libido and kicked me out. this is the conclusion i've chosen to draw from these events. not to toot my own horn... but my man business is A-OK. Nothing wrong or disappointing there. I have never gotten anything but compliments. Some guys can't get enough of it. But I suppose when you're the JGG you're probably used to mammoth sized organs.

Gained Points for: being a good tickler. most guys aren't. faking laughter during a painful tickle session is almost as bad as faking an orgasm.

Lost Points for: NEGATIVELY JUDGING MY BOY PARTS!

Mistakes I made: assuming it was all about me and little me. he probably freaked out over getting physical and just wanted to stop it. that is clearly the rational explanation. but still... wait it out for another five minutes so that i don't jump to that inevitable conclusion.

Chances For Another Date: Slim. I don't think my buddy could take any more humiliation.

Overall Score: D-