Sometimes you should listen to your gut.
Names have been changed to protect the boring.
Name of Date: The Pseudonym
Date #:1
Age: 21
Looks Like: your stereotypical blond-headed gay kid. aka the face of evil to middle america.
Occupation: barista/daydreamer
Where we met: on the gay facebook; connexion.
What Happened: we had talked a few times on connexion, sent a couple of messages, that sort of thing. i mentioned i had a week off and he suggested taking the train into nyc to come hang out. i figured; why not?
literally 20 minutes before i am about to leave to catch the train, he ims me and says "there is something i have to tell you." ok, no date in the history of dating has EVER gone well after those eight words have been uttered. and ESPECIALLY not a first date. right then and there i should have said "actually, i just came down with this ridic case of rabies and will not be able to make it."
unfortunately i said "yeah?..."
and he proceeds to tell me how the name i have been calling him is actually not his name, but rather an alias he created when he meets guys online. let's deconstruct, shall we?
1. he meets enough guys online to require having a fake name. ew.
2. at ANY point in our conversation when he learned i wasn't a creeper he could have let me in on this, instead of calling him by his fake name. but he waits until now.
3. our entire "getting to internet know you" phase was based on lies.
I flat out tell him that its off-putting and weird and am reconsidering coming. He practically begs me to come. I figure its a day trip to NYC, so it won't be too terrible. I head to the train station and miss the first train on purpose so I have time to seriously think about it before I go. When I'm 20 minutes late, he calls me, upset and wonders where I am. I know what its like to be stood up and realize that no matter what this guy's issues happen to be, I am not a jerk and will not blow him off. I tell him I screwed up the train schedule, but will be on the next one.
When I arrive in NYC we meet and he is nice. Albiet a liar. We head to colombus circle and eat lunch at whole foods. Then walk across the street to chill in central park. He was soooooo boring.
I have a theory the younger you are mutiplied by what you do for a living divided by how cute you are equals your boring quotient. This kid's boring quotient was the highest I'd ever seen.
At one point he left to go to the bathroom and I seriously considered sprinting away. I pictured myself leaping atop a policeman on a horse where he'd carry me away to at least some memorable sex. Spoiler Alert: that did not happen. The ONLY thing I can remember us talking about is how he wants botox in his arm pits so that he'll stop sweating. I am not joking. I'll take inappropriate first date conversation topics for $800, Alex.
So we're sitting in central park on a blanket and he's talking about something and i'm so bored and disillusioned that I legit fall asleep. I FELL ASLEEP ON A DATE! And then he noticed. he shook me awake and called me out on it. There was nothing I could do but fess up. I did blame it on being exhausted and not his monotonous tone or sleep-inducing conversation.
I literally watched the clock waiting for the time he had to leave to go to work. I think that was probably the longest 3 hours of my life. Longer than your cousin's high school graduation. We said goodbye and I sat down by a fountain, glad it was all over and grateful that in 20 minutes... I'd made plans to meet someone else for another date. Thats right. one day. two dates. I keep it real.
Gained Points for: Lunch at whole foods. I like pretending I care about what I eat.
Lost points for: basically everything. I think he probably should have just let call him by his pseudonym. it would have saved everyone a lot of trouble.
Mistkaes I Made: um... falling asleep. i don't care how boring or awful a guy is... that is just rude.
Chances for another date: if they started selling personalities at Macy's and he bought a designer version, then possibly.
Overall Score: D
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