Sometimes I go on second dates with guys I shouldn't
Names have been changed to protect the continually disappointing
Name of Date: Princeton
Date #: 2
Title of Last Date: Night of the Living WTF!?!?
Amount of Time Between Last Date: 2 weeks.
What Happened: well after being scared out of my mind that this guy was going to kill me, its only fair that i go on another date, right? (p.s. you should agree with me now. it will make the rest of this post easier to accept if you don't fight it)
So he lets me know he is having this party and that I should come and we can "hang out" after.
I have previous plans but tell him that I could make it by probably midnight. He says "oh thats great! we can still hang out". um. hanging out after midnight always implies nakedy time and after he totes cock teased me last time, i'm ready for round two.
When I arrive (overnight bag discreetly hidden in backseat" ... just in case) he is already drunk and serenading his guests with a karaoke version of "And I Am Telling You..." from Dreamgirls. He has a so-so voice sober, but drunk its like the worst version of some atonal frat boy singing "Don't Stop Believing." I sneak inside hoping he won't noticed I've joined until after his concert. He doesn't. Phew.
When he sees me he stumbles over and immediately demands that I catch up with him. He is drunk and I shoud be too. Drunk people love this logic because they know if someone else is as messy as they are, they don't have to feel as guilty in the morning. We all do it. We alllll use peer pressure on the lightweights so that our asses don't look like... well... asses the next day.
I oblige.
The rest of the party is restless and wants to head out to a bar. Princeton insists we will stay behind and "clean up" As soon as they are out the door we begin making out. Holler. And it lasts longer than three minutes. Holler part deux. I'm all ready for some non-heterosexin' when he proclaims that we should go on an adventure. He thinks this is a great idea and I'm drunk and horny and well... I'm gonna do pretty much whatever he asks. He goes to pee and I flop down on his sofa. Inspired by his showtune stylings, I begin belting out "Back to Before" from Ragtime. Seirously. I did that.
He throws open the bathroom door. Pounces on me and proclaims: "You are so fucking hot." And we make out for a while more. I'm glad that high belting from female standards gets him going. Mutual turn ons are a plus. I'm almost thinking he's forgotten his adventure idea when he pulls me up and we head outside. Awwwww snap!
Now I'm sure you clever ones will guess where we are. Princeton happens to live right outside a very beautiful Ivy League college and his adventure involved infiltrating campus to see what mischief we could get into... at 1:00AM. Apparently a lot. We got into some dorms. Danced around statues, etc. The highlight though was breaking into the chapel. Once we got inside it was no holds barred on the furious make outs. For repressed gay Christian boys, making out in a chruch is probably the hottest thing ever. I'm not gonna lie. Its like shoving a giant middle finger in front of ignorant theology... while getting some.
At this point I'm all wound up and drag his ass back home for the main event. We crawl into his bed and its effing deja vu. Make out for three minutes, he proclaims he's tired and rolls over to sleep. I am STUNNED. It has happened TWICE. I feel like Ashley Olsen. You know? Cause every one likes Mary Kate better. Its true. I see you nodding your head.
Somehow I make myself go to sleep.
I wake up in the morning and well... its morning time... for boys. For both of us. And certain things happen. And I can see a certain thing happening for him. I resolve that if I couldn't get some last night, I would sure as hell get some now. I begin to reach for it when all of a sudden he wakes up, says "I gotta pee" and runs to the bathroom. When he has returned, its gone. A deflated balloon. Disney World has closed. I start to think he did it on purpose. Ran to the bathroom to "relieve" himself. jerkface.
I am so frustrated that I get up and dress. He has fallen back asleep so I wake him up to tell him I'm leaving. He says "Goodbye. Oh! I'm sorry we didn't get to... play... last night. Next time. I promise." I look at him. Smile gently. Kiss his lips soflty and whisper; "Theres not gonna be a next time," and walk out into the sunshine.
Gained Points for: The couch ravishing. I'm sure a lot of that had to do with how good my singing was. And getting face attacked is like the best compliment ever!
Lost Points for: keeping it in his pants.
Mistakes I Made: assuming things would be differnet. made an ass outta me and... me.
Chances for Another Date: Unless there is a signed contract for at least a handy j. Not gonna happen.
Overall Grade: C +
No comments:
Post a Comment