Sometimes the LORD blesses you.
Names have been changed to protect the seriously? this guy exists?!
Name of Date: Doctor Man
Date #: 1
Looks Like: Richie Cunningham
Age: 26
Occupation: Doctor. for realsies. A DOCTOR.
Where We Met: A Sleazy Gay Bar.... who'd have thought?
What Happened: So ok. We didn't REALLY "meet" at the gay bar. We met up there. He sent me a message online and said he was heading out and I should go out and say hi. So I did. He chatted for a bit at the bar and then he gave me his info. The following is what happened on our first actual date.
Actually, before I jump into that, I need to discuss the kind of emotions that go through a gay man when an attractive red-headed doctor (let me repeat that... A DOCTOR) with the v (again. repeating. HE HAS THE "V" LADIES AND LADIES) seems interested in you. Here are the thoughts in order:
1. holy shit.
2. no for real. holy shit.
3. i will do whatever you say.
4. can we have the wedding in december?
5. what is your name?
So after i go through that scenario and process the fact that I will be going on a date with him... I get quite excited. I mean, who wouldn't. If I was female and living in Man Men 1960's my life would pretty much be set. All I'd have to worry about now was making sure we moved into a neighborhood without any life-ruining divorcees.
Anyway. We meet for dinner. I walk up and see him there in his red-headed and freckled glory. (p.s. gingers are effing hot) He got there 20 minutes early to make sure that we wouldn't have to wait for a table. Um. Gentlemanly. He obviously did it to impress me, and it seriously did. I am not worth that. I am the lets sit on the bench with the buzzer thing for 15 minutes and make awkward small talk in front of families with 4 kids who look at us quizzically and whisper "why are those two boys sitting so close and keep looking at each other's no-no zone?"
"um. because little girl, homo needs a rich husband."
But, because he saved us from this sitch, we get to have the awkward small talk at the table instead. We do the get to know each other thing. Talk about family, what we do, etc. etc. etc. I'm desperately trying to play footsie under the table, but I don't think he gets the hint. The food comes and its always waaaay too much for me to eat. Then I gotta ask for a doggie bag. Ugh. There is nothing quite so class-less and being on a date and walking of the restaurant with food. "Mmmm yeah. I'ma eat this later and think of you." Creeper City. Population: Me.
So we're back at our cars and its the moment where neither of us wants the date to end, so we're talking about what we could go do. He suggests we go to a pool hall and play pool. YES! For those of you out there who read this and try to discern what to do/what not to do... this is a classic example of what to do. He remembered during the convo that I liked pool, he picked something close, cheap and without any expectation. PERFECT. Very smooth.
Pool was pretty uneventful. I mean we played. Well he did. I kinda danced to "Paper Planes" by MIA that was being blasted over the loudspeaker while haphazardly whacking balls with my pool cue. DON'T JUDGE. IT'S A GOOD SONG.
Cut to the parking lot. Midnight showing of "We Don't Want This Date to End 2: Attack of the Clones" Again Doctor Man comes to the rescue and suggests a walk on the beach. Hollllerrrrrrr.
So this was just after hurricane season and the beach was completely flooded. We had to roll up our jeans and wade through water. It was less of a walk and more of a, lets just stand here because who knows what the hell we'll step on.
OH. At one point he had to go pee. So he went about 20 yards away, unzipped and let it fly. Now you'd think that is was pretty trashy. And normally I would agree. But this guy is a doctor, so i'm thinking. No. this is a smart move. He went to pee and did so within my viewing range so that I would think about him and his penis. Thats pretty effing smart. I mean. I'm not into that... like.... ew... but. Nevermind. this could diverge into a really disgusting tangent.
AFTER HE PEES. He comes back and hugs me for the first time. And I can't even describe it. The way he holds me. Its just. Like I fit there perfectly. He warms me. He's got his intense strength and passion in his arms. When he touches me... Like I said. I can't describe it. Its just. awesome. Then we kiss. Its the first time I've been kissed on the beach. ever. its hella romantic and he scores about a, 8.2 for technique. Damn those russian judges.
We wade back to our cars, and head home. Me thinking about how I'll tell the kids that their daddy knows how to work it.
Gained Points For: Being a doctor. I'm sorry. Did you need me to spell that out for you?
Lost Points For: Keeping his shirt on. Let the world see that V
Mistakes I Made: I didn't. I was a perfect date!
Chances for Another Date: Oh. There are no chances. This shit is happening.
Overall Grade: A-
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