Redemption

Sometimes you get a second chance.

Names have been changed to protect the near perfect.

Name of Date: Sgt. Handsome-Face

Date #:1

Looks Like: Jonathan Groff. For real-real.

Age: 25

Occupation: Grad Student

Where We Met: So Halloween is not the satantic holiday Fox News wants you to believe it is. In fact it is nothing more than a chance for gay men to dress slutty and party and wear glitter. Not that we need a day designated to do this, but its a chance for the rest of the nation to turn, look at us sans judgement and golf clap while mouthing "good for you. good for you."

This particular Holler-ween I went as cupid which mean sexy white jeans, no shirt, a heart painted on my chest, wings and a tiny bow and arrow. I looked like sex. No joke. I went out to the club and i'm dancing/drinking it up with my homos and I see Sgt. Handsome-Face. It was like the room froze and a spotlight shown down upon him. I am never the one to approach someone at a club but I was drawn in by his curly hair. He wasn't wearing a costume so I looked like the queen of sodomy town while he appeared cool and collected. I screeched my name and how cute he was and he talked for a minute. He said he was gonna finish his drink and then join me on the dance floor. However, 15 minutes later I see him chatting it up with some random hunk and I knew I was as good as forgotten. Never leave the hottest guy alone at the club. Its gay commandment #8. #1 is "You shall have no God other than me - Lady Gaga"

I thought all was lost until 3 days later Sgt. H-F messaged me on okcupid and asked me out. He apparently had no recollection of my drunken fairy flirting and thought my normal pictures were cute enough to warrant contact. I had been given a 2nd chance! The gay gods forgave my prancing and let the gift of hotness want to go on a date with me! I would be sure to not mention to him that we had met previously lest he renege on all dating offers.

What Happened: We agreed to meet at a local pub. I am usually against breeder bars but this one I actually like so I was impressed by his choice. I arrived and as I'm pulling in he texts me "I'm gonna be a few minutes late." I told him I didn't mind and decided to just order a beer and what for him. A few minutes turns into 10, to turns into 20, 20 turns into 30. I am beginning to panic at this point. I have been stood up. This guy is the worst asshole on the planet.

I decide that I'll wait until he gets there, say hello and then something sassy like "no one make me wait for them" and then walk out. I was super livid and also very insecure. Perhaps he had figured out who I was too late and then decided to back out? After 40 minutes of waiting he swaggers in looking fuh-reaking gorgeous. All my anger melts away. Apparently being pretty makes me immediately forgive you of all wrong-doing. Probs explains why I date hot assholes way longer than I need to.

So he joins me at the bar and apologizes for being tardy because he was playing cribbage with his parents. HOW CAN I BE MAD AT HIM FOR THAT?! If its an excuse its an adorable one. So we have a lovely conversation where he tells me he used to be a rugby player. I'm just gonna give you a minute to process that and everything that means.... ready? ok. He did americorp for a year and is taking some time off before going to grad school for international relations. plus he is a Christan.

hot. check.

athletic. check.

smart. check.

gonna make money. check.

religious. check.

uh folks i think we have a very real candidate for prince charming on our hands! and your prize consists of me in bed doing whatever you ask. you will be judged by a panel of experts led by tyra banks. she will growl.

So we chat for like an hour and its amazing. I do not want the date to end so I suggest the beach. He readily agrees and we head out there for some moonlit walking. When he holds my hand I feel like a very giddy 18 year old twink about to do porn for the very first time. We sit on the beach and cuddle while he plays music from his iphone. Its a 21st century romantic moment.

I make some very heavy suggestive comment about kissing him and he makes one back and we begin the makeouts. SCORE! I don't think the evening could have been more perfect if dolphins had risen out of the oceans and offered us a futon for comfortable beejs. But that only happens like every 5 times I got to the beach.

After making out I say "i'm not suggesting anything, and there are no expectations, but would you like to go back to my place?" ok you may think I'm being slutty but here is the real deal. When you meet a guy who fits everything you are looking for, you gotta lock that shit down. There was no way I was letting him get away without showing him everything I had to offer and some of my best qualities happen to arise when there are no clothes on. Get it?

So we make it back to my place and fall down on the bed. Its once of the most intense makeout sessions I've ever experienced. I try to take off his shirt, but he won't let me. I try to undo his belt, but he won't let me. He finally comes up for air and says "I think, for propriety's sake I should leave." and with that we know he is a gentleman too. This guy could not get any better. Then he adds. "you have no idea how much I want to do you right now, but lets save that." Um EVEN BETTER. He is a horny gentleman. And sex is vaguely promised for an upcoming future date.

When he leaves I am ecstatic and begin picking out our wedding colors.

Gained Points for: Being phenomenal

Lost Points for: Being late, but he quickly regained those.

Mistakes I Made: Assuming I needed sex to keep him interested. Apparently I'm cute and interesting enough myself. who knew? yay self-esteem!

Chances for Another Date: Uh. 100% time a billion

Overall Grade: A