"Date"

Sometimes the line gets blurry.

Names have been changed to protect the tempting.

Name of Date: Trouble
Date #: 1
Looks Like: A super cute pocket gay that you just can't help but blush around
Age: 20
Occupation: Intern
Where We Met: At work. He was a co-worker. Cue necktie porn festish music.
What Happened: So... a mutual co-worker was having a birthday bash at a pretty swanky bar. I planned on dressing in my sexiest clothes and getting Ke$ha level trashy. Ugh I hate her so much. Go. Away.

I had seen Trouble around a few times and kept quiet because thats what you do when you work with someone who's adorable level is off the charts. Flirting at the workplace is like some huge no-no or something. I didn't want to be in the middle of some sezzual harrasment proceedings simply cause I told some guy I wanna lick his face. That is like, the sweetest compliment ever, be tee dubs, soooo he should be flattered. Also maybe don't have such a lickable face. He was asking for it.

Also he had a boyfriend. OFF-LIMITS.

Also I had was seeing someone at the time. EVEN MORE OFF-LIMITS-ER.

So because of those reasons we kept out interaction professional. Because I am classy. Right? Anyone? ANYONE?

Anyway we are at the party and I order a Long Island Iced Tea.... (oh .... see.... I get why no one answered the questions above. Yep. Makes sense now. ) and proceed to get trashed. I do everything drunk me does:

a. lunge
b. wobble
c. talk loudly
d. get extremely close to people
e. lunge more
f. sing
g. be too tired to keep my eyes open
h. flirt with the cutest thing nearest me... which happened to be Trouble.

It began innocently enough with mutual confessions of how cute the other person was. Thats how everything starts isn't it? And it always feels like some massive dam is breaking and allowing honesty to pour through. As if telling someone they are pretty is the hardest thing ever. Um we all like to be told we are pretty. No one is going to be offended by that. Especially gays. Compliments on our appearance is like Justin Beiber to 12 year old girls; it's what gives us the will to live.

Then it progresses to leg pats that begin at the knee and work their way up the thigh. The lingering hugs with wandering fingers along the back. Basically if neither of us were attached this would be the first recipie in the drunken hook-up cook book. Three easy ingredients! Two horny homos and alchohol. Mix together for 20 minutes and serve with lube.

Unfortunately (Fortunately?) we were both involved. and we knew it. which made the flirting sooooo much more intense. Its total psychology 101. Tell me I cannot have something and it is the only thing I want time a million. I suddenly cannot get this guy out of my head and its bad news bears. I need to get away from him. Yet drunk me does the opposite of good decision making. Drunk me gets into the back seat of a car with him and puts my head in his lap. Drunk me pulls him into my apartment and into my bed. Drunk me starts spooning with him. Drunk me needs to not be drunk anymore or he's going to make a terrible mistake.

LUCKILY my friend saw all this happening and pulled Trouble out of bed with me. I am so drunk/tired I don't even fight it. Once I realize what is happening I am all to eager to have him gone. I feel weird and cheap and pray a million thanks that nothing happened. We should all be so lucky to have a friend who steps in when our brain is failing. I have several of these and this is not the first time I've been drunkenly pulled out of a bad sitch. Thank you, to all of you for being my designated life choice makers.

The next day at work it was super awkward. Um obvi? I tried to avoid him all day long. I didn't want to have to explain myself or apologize. I don't do well when I have to admit I'm flawed, especially when its not in jest. Like on here I can call myself a trashy ho a hundred times and its hilarious, but if I had to seriously admit it to you, I would cry. I would cry slutty tears of std's. See?

Trouble, however, has different plans. He corners me and thanks me for last night. Uh? You're welcome? I guess. I mean if you want to cheat on your boyfriend thats your choice. I don't judge you. (Yes I do). But he means he had fun hanging out with me and that we should hang out sober when there is no danger of anything happening. I want to point out to him that there will always be danger at this point. We nearly crossed a line and being drunk wasn't the only reason. Mutual attraction doesn't disappear. I want to tell him its best if we stay acquaintances. But he thinks I'm cute. So I agree to go to the beach with him after work. DAMMIT.

This is when our "date" begins. We walk along the beach and talk about our lives and respective significant others. He actually is a really decent guy and nice to be around, but I am already feeling guilty. I know I shouldn't be out here with him. I finally blurt it all out about how confusing/difficult this is and he agrees. But neither of us are brave enough to just walk away. We sit on the lifeguard stand and stare out at the water clueless. Not touching. Just hoping the other will have a solution that saves us from humilation and hurting the guys we are with.

Wow it just got real for a hot minute.

Trouble and I head home without any solution and I immediately call my guy and am comforted by his voice. I know I could never cheat on him and that Trouble was just a test which I passed, but barely.

Gained Points for: Wanting to talk it through. I am not the best at being honest.

Lost Points for: Thinking there was a solution or compromise? Um we CANNOT do each other. There is no compromise there.

Mistakes I Made: Basically everything. If I'm getting drunk I need to be the only gay person around or be forced to wear an electric collar.

Chances for another date: If I suddenly got dumped and needed a re-bound... yes.

Overall Grade: Incomplete. Failure to be a real date.