Names have been changed to protect well-intentioned.
Name of Date: Kurosawa
Date #: 2
Title of Last Date: Mixed Media
Amount of Time Between Dates: 1 week
What Happened: After a surprisingly good date with a guy with a weak chin (which is like #3 on my list of things I find the least attractive) I was pretty eager to go out with Kurosawa again. I mean his place with essentially a hipster's frat house. But I could look past the pretentious movie posters and skinny jeans strewn about into his soul. His caring and affectionate soul. Oh I had to look past that weak chin too. That took more effort.
Well he called me up and said that movie we were meant to go see was playing in a city 90 minutes away on 3-D IMAX and he and his friends were going. He asked if I wanted to join. Oh and also they'd be spending the night there.
Let me just go ahead and disect everything wrong with that invitation:
a. if i'm driving 90 minutes anywhere its going to be for an H&M or a Lady Gaga Concert or Alice Ripley on tour with N2N. It is not going to be for a movie I would watch with regular-D right down the street. I would also drive that far for anything involving Tyra Banks.
b. 3-D Imax does not impress me. Sometimes the biggest things are pretty to marvel at but then after the first 30 seconds it's just uncomfortable. BADA-BING!
c. your friends? really?! date #2 and you expect me to not only meet your "friends" but spend and elongated period of time with them. there is no chance for escape. no text message rescue from my bff. just stuck in a distant city with people who probably don't want me there in the first place. i mean think of it from their perspective: they has massive film school boners over this movie and i'm there giving their buddy a real one which distracts him from their high fives and dork talk. i can pretty much guarantee my presence was not welcome.
d. do you really want our first night spent together to be on some rando's futon with 6 other people in the room? i mean it's not even a dolphin-borne beej futon for goodness sake! (love you, lauren ;)) not only can we not make out, but we have to actively act like we don't want to so we don't awkward-ize this sitch in front of your (i'm guessing) sex-life-less friends.
DECONSTRUCTION DONE!
He actually has to convince me pretty hard that it's a good idea for me to attend. I sigh and hem and haw and try to tell him I don't want to be there, but homo loves attention and the promise of being "owed one" got me to say yes.
When I get to his place we are immediately off to pick up his "friends." I am introduced to them and for the life of me I cannot remember a single one of their faces, let alone their names. They were two different hetero couples and a lone single straight dude. This made me feel worse. Kurosawa could have at least been this guy's friend so he didn't have to feel like the loser he was. But instead brings me to add to the number of couples and alone-ness he must feel. He probably cried himself to sleep that night.
The trip there was agonizing. Even though we took two cars, 7th wheel had to come in the car with Kurosawa and I and another couple. I don't remember why. I was crammed in the backseat being largely ignored while they discussed film stuff and how awesome this movie was going to be. The only way this movie could have lived up to it's hype and this trip for me is if it was just a parade of 3-D penises interspersed with performances from Glee. THE ONLY WAY!
It was not. In fact I kind of hated it. In fact I did hate it. In fact Kurosawa could tell.
This was not turning out to be the awesome road-trip with his new man that he had planned. I tried to warn him of this but delusions of grandeur or the promise of a handj later on kept him optomistic.
After the movie one of his gaggle of geeks decided drinks were a good idea. YES! YES THANK YOU TAKE ME THERE NOW PLEASE. We go to some local bar and by divine intervention the drink special that night was $4 Long Island Iced Teas. It was God saying "oh this has been rough, just get sloppy and embarrass yourself, k?"
I have three. At this point I love everyone. I love his friends. I love him. I am not caring about anything. I distinctly remember talking to one of the females and saying "We haven't had sex yet, but I'm worried he has a tiny penis." WHO DOES THAT?!? This drunk classy guy does. I always keep it real. I always keep it totes inappropes. Oh and she confirmed he didn't. They had gone skinny dipping and she assured me I'd be pleased. I liked her. She knew what mattered.
When we make it back to this kid's place to sleep Kurosawa immediately claims the pull-out sofa for us. I felt like a queen. It was so romantic and chivalrous that drunk me wanted to take my clothes off right there. I was seriously considering some discreet way we could do it when he said "oh hey. we're gonna go get high, do you mind?"
Now readers. At this point in my life marijuana terrified me. It was illegal and unknown and the devil. and the devil's babies. I was horrified he smoked pot. It sobered me up quickly and I told him he could do what he wanted all the while knowing his hopes of getting any were slowly fading away. I was such a prude! Oh also at this point in my life I'd also only ever hooked up with 2 other guys so sex was a big deal too. YES THERE WAS A TIME IN MY LIFE I WAS NOT SLUTTY McHO-FACE.
He smoked. I was appalled and was in bed by the time he came inside. He crawled in next to me and tried to be the big spoon. I let him, but didn't offer any affection back. Notice how passive-aggressive I am. I am obviously handling this the was proper white gay boys are supposed to; by saying one thing and acting another. Thank you, Emily Gilmore, for the WASP lessons. Much love.
We fell asleep. No sex. He knew not to even rub his boner up against me.
The next morning I had the worst hangover ever. All I wanted to do was get home and shower. Buuuuuut his friends had other ideas. They wanted to go out to breakfast. Ugh this moment is what I hated the most, when the downright annoyance and uncomfortableness of one person in the party is overshadowed by a group mentality to go do something. Where was my escape route? Kurosawa was no help. Hollandaise sauce was calling his name. We waited forever. The service was terrible. My headache pounded. I wanted to go home.
When we FINALLY got on the road (around noon) I was so pissy that I literally crossed my arms and pouted in the backseat. Then I fell asleep. I am five.
When I woke up my head was in Kurosawa's lap and he was stroking my hair. He said "hey sleepy head, you'll be home in a few minutes." I smiled thankful this whole ordeal was over.
Gained Points For: wanting to show me off? under different circumstances I like being a trophy date.
Lost Points For: i think the thing that annoyed me the most was breakfast the next morning. I was more pissed about that than anything else.
Mistakes I Made: judging him for pot smoking. i'm not as uptight anymore.
Chances for Another Date: In our city and alone, most def. Plus I was told he was hung... so.... I'mma need confirmation
Overall Grade: D. LITeas saved it from failing.
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