Seriously!? Are you F***ing Kidding Me?

Sometimes guys are complete assholes.

Names have been changed to protect the oblivious.

Name of Date: Captain Fucktard
Date #: 3
Looks Like: Sean Astin.. a little bit? kinda.
Age: 31
Occupation: Private Contractor (whatever the hell that is)
Where We Met: Myspace. (never ever again!)
What Happened: Our first two dates were uneventful. Date number one was the old coffee standby which ended with a hand shake. Date two was chilling at his place while we chatted for 3 hours. Ended with a hug. I was hoping date three might end with a kiss. I'd feel like a real lady, for once.

We had plans to grab dinner. I call him when I get off work and he says that he has a friend who "dropped by, out of the blue." Disappointed, but playing it cool so I don't seem like the clingy mess I am, I tell him to have fun with him and gimme a call when they're done. He says "no. no. no. come to dinner with us. we can hang out afterward." I insist that this would be awkward since we aren't at the meeting the friends stage yet.

A digression. I hate the meeting the friends stage. This, for me, is worse than meeting the parents. I could care less what your dick-ish parents think, but your friend's opinion means the most. If a guy's friends don't like you, you can pretty much kiss that relationship goodbye. If his friend thinks you laugh weird; you are going to get one (maybe two if you're lucky) more dates. Without sex. And thats it. I ususally avoid this stage at all costs. I once dated a guy for five months, and he didn't mean a single one of my friends. That takes effort.

Anyway. I hesitantly agree and head over to his place, hoping this "friend" is cool and won't ruin my chances at getting to first base. Oh first base!!! Lip on Lip ACTION!

When I show up the "friend" is in his bedroom. Captain Fucktard calls out "hey, timmy is here. come meet him!"

I find it weird that a "friend" would be in the bedroom. I should always listen to my gut. That first warning sign that something isn't right and you need to leave with your dignity and hair intact. Unfortunately, I'm all "oh hey, voice of reason could you shut up, i'm trying to look pretty." When said "friend" emerges, I know exactly who it is. Its his ex. I recognizes him from the picture I was shown. His ex whom he spent 90 minutes talking to me about on our last date. The ex whom he lived with. The ex whom they have been together for years. The ex who was still in the closet... and the ex who he hadn't spoken to in months. He says they have "reconciled."

I should have picked up my jaw off the floor and walked out the door without saying a word. But I was in shock. How do you respond to that? What do you do?

Answer: You numbly get in the car with both of them and ride to the olive garden. obvi.

The whole car ride they gabbed about old times, old memories, old crap. I was so uncomfortable. The only comments I made were "uh hu" and "nu uh."

We arrive at the olive garden and are seated. The "friend," excuse me, the "ex," decides he doesn't want to eat there and we should leave. Zombie me, gets up, pushes my chair in and follows them outside. We get back in the car. Captain Fucktatd suggests we all rent a movie.

At this point, something snaps inside me. I have been on a date with while his ex-boyfriend tagged along. I've been made to feel uncomfortable, stupid, and ridiculous. Its that moment that siblings of celebrities have when they realize "hey! i can whore myself out too! get me a record deal, daddy!" clarity.

Captain Fucktard sees me with a look on my face and says "are you ok?"

i continue to stare, wondering if i'll speak

the ex pipes up "yeah? you've been quiet. are you upset?"

that does it. don't fucking play compassion, you date-wrecker.

I let it rip. "I am not ok. Not in the least. You bring me out with your ex?! You think thats a good idea? I thought this was a date. I thought WE were dating. Apparently not. I want to go home. Drive me back to my car. Now."

says. "i'm sorry.. i thought..."

"No." I shout back. "No more. JUST DRIVE."

He drives me back to my car in silence, and I never hear from him again.

Gained Points for: he didn't. no point gaining. none.

Lost points for: EVERYTHING. annnnnd! I didn't even get so much as an apology myspace message the next day. ass.

Mistakes I Made: Getting in the car. Idiot.

Chances for Another Date: When I turn straight. Which, I guess, it wouldn't matter then anyway.

Overall Score: F for FAIL