Names have been changed to protect the cyclical.
Name of Date: The Introduction
Date #: 2
Title of Last Date: Pre-GAY-Ming
Amount of Time Between Dates: 7 years. No Joke. yeah now you are intrigued. p.s. he is 24 now. not 16. again, i don't rape under-agers.
What Happened: Well.... after our first not-quite-date that sent me into a homo panic and probably set me back a few months in coming out... i calmed down. And 18 months later I accepted that it was indeed boys who made me happy. and that i wanted to kiss. and gave me erections.
Fast forward to the recent present. After having dated (literally) dozens of guys, The Introduction and I found ourselves in the same town again. Years had passed and a lot of growing up and blow jobs had taken place. We were older, wiser, more desperate to find boyfriends. It only seemed natural that we'd give it another try.
He was currently the RD at a very prestigious private school and we decided I'd come over one evening for coffee and a movie. Aka maybe coffee and makeouts.
I arrive and I had forgetten how strikingly handsome he is. Tall, blonde, toned. He is the aryan ideal and I am in awe of his beauty. I can hardly contain my glee as he walks me into his apartment and I think " stupid! pack contact solution, timmy, always pack contact solution!" I guess I'll just have to wake up with crusty eyes. Crusty happy gettin laid eyes. Also: Bloodshot.
We immediately begin catching up and talking about our lives since.. ugh.. high school. Of course we choose only the most impressive stories to tell. I leave out the 3 months of unemployment and 6 months of living with parents after college. And the devestating depressions. And nights spent alone drinking. Those things are not necessary. In fact, one might discourage such story telling.
He actually makes us coffee and it's quite good. Then my phone rings. Ass-Dammit! Normally I'd hit ignore but it is my potential new landlord calling to set up a time for me to come look at the place. I promise him I'll be quick. I am on the phone for 20 minutes. I have to listen to her drone on about her daughter, about her yard sale, about her other freaking tennant's personal lives. I do not need to know that mt neighbor is a sad 50 year old man who's wife left him. I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT! Meanwhile The Introduction has realized this is going to be a while so he puts in a DVD and starts to watch. Ugh. I am the worst. I should have hit ignore. This stupid bitch could have waited til tomorrow.
When I FINALLY get off the phone I apologize profusely and he puts on the show of acting like it was nbd (idk. my bff, jill? anyone?) but it toes was. And I make a mental note to treat him extra nice later on. Bedroomly-wise.
We choose Mean Girls. Which is awesome and a hilarious pick for a date night. I highly recommend it.
OBLIGATORY MEAN GIRLS QUOTE TIME!:
"omg karen, you can't just ask someone why they're white."
"four for you glen coco, you GO glen coco. and none for gretchenweinersbye"
"but you LOVE lady smith black mombazo!"
"you know who's looking fine tonight? seth mozokowski"
SEGMENT OVER!
During the movie we get progressively closer, and then hold hands. and then snuggle. This is all fine and dandy while the movie is still playing but once the credits roll there is the awkward transition into what happens next. If you just go for it, you come off as slutty. If you wait too long the moment is gone and you go home disappointed. Luckily I have mastered the art of this. You pull away slightly. Comment on how great that was. Transition into how hot the lead male is. Look into his eyes and say "kinda like you." Then kiss. WORKS EVERY FREAKING TIME.
The next thing i know I'm pinned to a couch with his tongue in my ear. Thank you, baby Jesus.
We make it to the bedroom and suddenly all the emotion from the past 7 year catches up to me. This was the first guy I had a crush on. The first guy who showed interest in me. The first introduction to anything gay. I cannot sleep with him. It's too huge. ( I mean who knows. He coulda been average, but I'm guessing he was big cause of his height. Another thing i have a 6th sense about). So we just lay there making out and I whisper. "I'm not gonna take your clothes off. I want to respect you."
WHO AM I?!
An adult apparently.
We continue to kiss and pillow talk and make plans about how awesome this is. How right this is. How everything makes sense. 2 hours later I pull myself away from him and he begs me to visit again. I want nothing more. I hate that I'm heading out of town for the weekend or I would see him tomorrow. I drive away happy and certain that life makes all kind of wonderful amazing sense.
Gained Points for: Having the same taste in humor and cuddling that I do.
Lost Points for: Not inviting me to spend a platonic night in each other's arms.
Mistakes I Made: Taking that damn phone call.
Chances for Another Date: Hell to the fuck yeah.
Overall Grade: A-
EPILOGUE: On my way driving home from my trip I called him and asked if he wanted me to stop by. I got the "The other night was great and the superb fulfillment of high school fantasy, but I don't think it would be wise to continue" speech. I hung up, cried briefly and have not spoken to him since. Who knows what will happen 7 years later?
