Names have been changed to protect the exhausting.
Name of Date: Shoulda Coulda Woulda
Date #: 1
Looks Like: A straight up 4 on Facebook, but a solid 7 in person. Some people do not photograph well. Also buzzed head and gap toothed. But cute cap toothed not hillbilly gap toothed.
Occupation: Environmental Protecting Tree-Hugging something or other business.
Where We Met: So I had just moved to DC. It was literally my 2nd day living here. I had spent the day running numerous errands to get my new licence, buy stuff for my place, etc. I was exhausted and just wanted to spend the evening in. However one my friends was so excited I was finally in town that he invited me out for dinner with a few of his friends. I reluctantly agree on the basis that I need to meet people and it's lameass barfo to just stay home on a Friday night.
When I get to the thai place my friend is there and introduces me to his friends. One of them is this very nice deaf guy. Oh man it is so hard to not make Helen Keller jokes. I am evilsauce. The other is Shoulda Coulda Woulda. I immediately think he is cute and make a mental note to be as charming and flirty as possible. Then I remember... "oh wait... THAT IS ALREADY HOW I LIVE MY LIFE EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY AND NIGHTTIMES!" So it wasn't hard to do. Plus meeting my husband the 2nd day I moved to DC would be a phenoms story.
Throughout dinner SCW launches into several impassioned speeches on different political topics. He is incredibly well spoken and is not afraid to offend people. He tells the deaf guy that being blind is worse than being deaf. Whoa. Bold move there, buddy. But I'm always attracted to gusto and just saying whats on your mind. Also I'm still going through my assholes are hot phase. It is the WORST. Anybody have a cure for that?
As dinner nears it's end SCW suggests we all head to this gay club because it is free vodka from 11pm to Midnight. A drunk homo says what? what? I am there. Our clan begins the 5 day walk to this place. Ok it was more like 30 minutes, but I am not used to walking cities yet and I wanted to die and was wearing flip flops. There was so much sweating and frowning happening I'm surprised they didn't just leave me on the side of the road or donate me to a homeless man. "Here. Take this. He is a mess."
However on the walk there SCW and I share a phenomenal conversation about his faith, about what he wants to do, about how we have so much in common. It is spectacular. I really like him. This convo continues all night at the club. We ignore everyone else and are entirely fixated on one another as we down our free vodka and cranberries. I tease him all night pointing out the ugliest guys saying "oh man. i wish he was MY boyfriend." And he chuckles politely and says "Then I wish I was him." WHAT?! Hardcore flirting has been achieved. I have been given the green light for thigh grabbing/nonchalant/"unintentional" crotch-brushing. His hand is either on the small of my back or in my pocket for the REST OF THE EVENING. I love those blatant gestures of ownership. A gay club is one of the few places I enjoy feeling like property. yessuh.
We leave the club and he walks me back to the metro. We exchange numbers and I can tell he wants to kiss me, but instead we share a long hug. I am ecstatic. The next day he texts me and asks if he can take me to dinner. UM OBVIOS!
What Happened: OK! So the "real" first date begins. We meet up and he takes me to this burger place that is kinda ok but also kind touristy. I don't mind to much since it's my 3rd day in the city and everything is new. Dinner conversation seems kind of forced, and I'm curious as to why. We both have plenty to discuss and there isn't ever a lull, it just didn't feel natural like it did the night before. I blame this on the absence of liquor to lubricate things. Luuuuuubricate. Heh.
After dinner he takes me on a tour of most of the monuments. It's actually really great to have a personal tour guide and not do this alone with some map. I can tell he enjoys being in charge and taking control. I'll take Dom Top for $1000, Alex. I am beginning to think maybe I should write a gay glossary for all you non heteros who follow this. Or maybe enforce some required reading before indulging in these posts. Does a Gay Encyclopedia exist? Probs.
The monuments are especially beautiful at night. Do people know this? I think people must know this. But if you do not know this I am telling you now. During our walking tour the conversation does get better. We discuss our high school histories, our families, our future plans. And while everything is great intellectually, I do not feel the same interest from him that I was feeling last night. There are no lingering touches and no longing looks. I decide in my mind that he felt he was coming on too strong last night and that he needs some re-assuring from me that I am interested.
"you know what the world needs? another musical about vampires!"
-frank wildhorn
What follows is an account of how i play the game. I wish I could say this was abnormal:
While at the tidal basin:
Me: I really am looking for something serious. A guy I could raise kids with
SCW: I don't want kids
While at the reflecting pool:
Me: (Reaching for his hand)
SCW: (Folding my arms is necessary right now)
While at the FDR memorial:
Me: You are so cute
SCW: (Pretends not to hear)
While at the Jefferson memorial:
Me: So I really like you
SCW: Do you need help finding the metro to get home?
ALL OF THESE THINGS are clear indicators that he is not interested. And dejected I finally get the hint. He it not prince charming. He is not what I hoped he would be. Hopes dashed. Then as he is walking me to the metro he says "Actually. I should take you home. Make sure you get there alright. Maybe see your place?"
It clicks in my head. This has been a different game all along. The more I show interest, the more he pulls away. I'm on some fucked up see-saw and I need to find the perfect balance to keep him interested. Being crazy mcmarry me please isnt' doing me any favors, but aloof asshole might. I tell him he can do whatever he wants which he responds to with getting onto the metro with me.
When we get to my place I take him up to my room and prepare for groping/makeouts. As I lean in to kiss him he pulls away and says "I should go." he was in my room for less than 4 minutes. No joke. Why even bother coming in? I tipped the scale too far, I suppose. As I walk him out he says he'll call me tomorrow. I do not have high hopes.
Gained Points for: His initial interest and charming behavior
Lost Point for: Being wishy-washy and making it too difficult for courting to actually happen. Being afraid I'll say too much or not saying enough is psychologically damaging! Plus I hate the game. I hate it so much.
Mistakes I Made: Playing the game. It' like Jumanji. Once you start you gotta finish and most of the time someone ends up a crazy bearded guy stalking you and begging you to help him. Amiright?
Chances for Another Date: If he calls, of course I will.
Overall Grade: C+
