Names have been changed to protect the obvious.
Name of Date: The Boy Next Door (not because of any connotations of that phrase, but because he was literally living next door to me for a while)
Date #: (0)
Looks Like: Your typical up and coming hot young actor
Occupation: Actor
Where We Met: My screen door was open one night and he passed by taking out the garbage and we said hello.
What Happened: Ok so what follows isn't a date by any stretch of the imagination, but it is an account of the flirting that took place over one night to lead up to our first date. I just wanna make that clear so that you know what you're getting into. I'm big on clear expectations.
I was coming home from work one evening, it had been a rough day and I was looking forward to hangouts with my other neighbors. We all knew each other and worked together so it was like a sad little campus of a neighborhood trying to relieve dorm life. "Oh man, I can come over and week can bake cookies and watch glee and drink wine and I'll complain about my roomies. Yay!" Seriously this happened like every other night.
So I am coming home and I see TBNT standing outside his place. I had always thought he was super hot, but he was way out of my league. Like he was an empty slot for hosting the oscars and I was Heidi Montag. Shit just ain't gonna happen. But admiring him from afar had been enough for me. Well he sees me walking up to my place and he goes "Oh. I am sooooo tired. and literally collapses on the sidewalk." I make some joke about how pathetic he looks and his arms reach out toward me. A few other neighbors are standing around and offer their hands to lift him, but he knocks them away and again stretches him arms out to me.
I have been chosen.
I walk over and lift him up off the ground, and he is limp in my arms. Head on my shoulder, putting all his weight on me. Ding ding ding ding ding. We have flirtations. He probably thought he was being subtle, but after years of playing the "I'm so tired, i just, could you just hold me, and i'll just, i mean, put my head right here" game I knew exactly what was going on. All suspicions were confirmed when he caressed my face and smiled a coy smile. This guy wanted it. He wanted it all over his personage.
He then asked what I was up to, and I mentioned that a few of us were going to go lay on the beach and watch the stars. He cautiously asked "should i come?" Haha what was I going to say? "No. but you can come to my place instead?" Actually I probably should have said that. It was pretty clear he wanted to come just for me. I felt fancy and wanted which is not something I often feel. His invitation was a given.
At the beach, there were 6 of us total. We lay down close to each other, but never touched. Crazy sexual tension passed through both of us and after 15 minutes of light chatting among the group he announced. "So who is going skinny dipping with me?"
legit.
I was not going to pass that up, so I got up and began undressing. He looked at me and said "Seriously?" and I said "Oh hell yeah. Let's do this." It was at this point I was annoyed that the rest of the group was there. If I'm going to get naked with a boy for the first time there are things I'd prefer to do that I cannot do in front of an audience. I mean I could. But I doubt they'd appreciate it. And if I'm gonna do that I'd like to get paid or at least have better lighting. The moonshine does not a porn set make.
Alas others were present so our nudity was communal and rather than sexual. His body was firm and tight. Nice muscles, phenomenal ass, mouth-watering perfection. Temptation personified. We ran into the water and romped like children. Horny frustrated children. We would wander too close to each other, arms sweeping in hopes of brushing skin. This dangerous game was clearly noticed by everyone else who just chose to not say anything, lest they burst the delicate dance of seduction. P.S. I am using this paragraph as an entry way into erotic novel writing. I am so good at writing sexy sentences. Something with a shirtless man on the cover with a finger raised to the lips as if making a "shhhhh" sound.
After we emerged from the water and dried off and clothed we set off back home to shower and head to a bar. I wasn't too keen on the bar idea but his begging me to come was an offer I couldn't refuse. I showered (alone) at home and hopped in my car. The others were walking there and I felt no need to get sweaty on the humid night. I just wanted to look cute and poofy hair is the opposite of that. I passed them about halfway there and rolled my window down to shout something sassy. TBNT noticed, immediately left the group, hopped in the passenger seat and shouted 'DRIVE!' before anyone else could get in.
Alone at last.
Awkward at last.
What do we say to each other now? "So how was your day?" No. I have just seen him naked and the fog of sexual energy in my car is making it hard for me to focus. When we arrive at the bar it is closed and I am secretly grateful. More time in his presence without being able to touch or kiss or work it out somehow would drive me crazy. Much like the Britney Spears song "drive me crazy." Or the Melissa Joan Hart movie "... Sabrina the Teenage Witch in Paris with the Olson Twins, maybe?" Or something.
When I finally get home I log on to the fb to stalk his profile and within 10 seconds he has fb chatted me
"hey"
"hey"
"fun night tonight"
"yeah"
"you have a great body"
"you too"
Cut to 15 minutes of us telling the other what we like about the other's body. This is basically cyber sex without cameras or mutual masturbation. This is a sophisticated and heightened type of flirting that began mere hours earlier. How far we have come.
I ended the conversation before it could turn sexual or weird and we made a vague promise to hang out with each other the next day.
Gained Points for: Unabashedly pursuing me
Lost Points for: Not knocking on my door that evening after the bar
Mistakes I Made: Being too eager to skinny dip. I shoulda kept it classy
Chances for Another Date: Undeniable
Overall Grade: A
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